Jennifer Lawrence is moving to Billings!
It’s true. The “Hunger Games” star said she’s had it with Hollywood and she wants to live in a town where people know their neighbors, where a celebrity can go to the 7-Eleven in her pajamas at 1 a.m. for a pack of smokes without a gang of paparazzi dogging her every step of the way.
“I visited Billings, Montana, years ago, on my way to Yellowstone National Park, and it was love at first sight,” Lawrence told Last Best News. “There’s just a vibe there you don’t get in L.A. or even Paris. When I found out the town’s nickname was ‘The Magic City,’ it just made perfect sense.”
Although she was so taken with the Magic City—also known as Montana’s Trailhead, Shining Star of the Great Northern Prairie and Lockwood West—Lawrence said she never gave any serious thought to moving to Billings until recently.
“I guess it was the Outside magazine poll that did it,” said the doe-faced starlet who seems to look completely different every time you see a new photo of her. “I really enjoy Outside magazine, so when it named Billings the ‘Best Town’ in the United States, I was all, screw it, I’m moving to Billings.”
“And you know what’s really crazy?” she continued. “I wanted to live in something that was hip, downtown and urban-industrial. So when my real estate agent told he found a penthouse apartment right smack in the middle of the Phillips 66 refinery, I just knew that this whole thing was meant to be.”
The penthouse is small by L.A. standards, just 850 square feet, but the view is absolutely spectacular. Lawrence said you can see five or six mountain ranges from the apartment, and to the east there is a stunning view of the ExxonMobil refinery.
“It’s actually one of two residential units inside the refinery,” Lawrence said. “There’s another one a little below mine, which I guess is used by Warren Buffett as a vacation condo.”
Billings Mayor Tom Hanel said he was excited to hear about Lawrence’s plans, particularly since he is a huge fan of the “Hunger Games” franchise.
“What can I say,” Hanel said. “It’s just a huge honor to have the highest-grossing action heroine of all time moving to our city. God, I’d give anything if Scarlett Johansson moved here, too.”
Hanel, who is also a real estate agent, denied rumors that he was the agent who landed Lawrence’s high-rise digs. “However,” he said, with a wink, “I may have had something to do with the Buffett place.”
News of Lawrence’s projected migration comes on the heels of reports that Bill Murray was planning to move to Butte, where he used to be a co-owner of the Pioneer League Copper Kings baseball team with Mike Veeck.
That report, however, is evidently a hoax. The Huffington Post reported in May, in a piece headlined “No, That Huge Celebrity Is Not Moving To Your Town,” that phony news sites were reporting that all sorts of famous Hollywood types were moving to obscure burgs.
Besides Murray moving to Butte, which was at least plausible given his connections with the Mining City—also known as the Shining City on the Slag Heap—these bogus news sites had reported that Matt Damon was moving to Asheville, N.C., Miley Cyrus to Roswell, Ga., and Justin Timberlake to Owensboro, Ky.
Thank God the Magic City can trust Last Best News to bring its readers actual facts. And though we hate to thrust ourselves into a news story, this news is so exciting that we would like to extend our own hearty welcome to Ms. Lawrence.
See you around town, Jenny!